35 & 9

"In Week 35, Rapid growth continues" says the book.

"Your baby continues to pack on the pounds and store fat all over his or her body. The crowded conditions inside your uterus may make it harder for your baby to give you a punch, but you'll probably feel lots of stretches, rolls and wiggles."

He certainly is gaining weight and has succeeded in creating kissable cheeks and a double chin, just like he's supposed to. He's positively enormous to me... until I see a term baby, and think "gosh, what a freak of nature." Term babies are unspeakably large.

My uterus, on the other hand, is not suffering from crowded conditions and will remain so, for at least a year, and possibly forever. Who knows if we will do this again, as I have said before to shock and horror.

He's 35 today (9 weeks). At 35, I was finally smart--or at least smarter--and Finn is exhibiting emotional growth as well.

We've still been nuzzling, and he definitely can latch on, but he has not been able to sustain interest for a significant length of time and did not seem to be transferring any milk. Who could have thought that I would be using the words "suck, swallow, breast, pump, and nipple" so often in such a family friendly way? But here I am, having these conversations on a daily basis with normal people in public situations. Modesty pretty much goes out the window once you have been through labor, and that candor continues when you have a newborn. It only stops when they start to understand you, and sometimes, not even then.

Being that Special Care is baby training, they are eager to get him on the breast and, to my dismay, onto bottles. At 35 weeks, apparently, he should be getting bottle feeds when I am not there. "He's very oral," our nurse said, and he seems to want to eat. The nurse asked if I had tried a nipple shield and did I want to try a nipple shield. I didn't know. She brought me a nipple shield, the next time I showed up.

This brings me to another little quibble with SCN: pressure and choices.

Something is presented to you as a choice, like our "choice" of ICC or Special Care. Turns out, not a choice. The doctors chose, and we went along with it. Looking back, we wish we had been more assertive, but I don't know when we could have. We were asked twice which we preferred; we made inquiries; we thought about it, and the next time it came up, the decision had been made: Special Care.

Now, we are in Special Care, and it doesn't feel very special or very caring. Our evening nurse is great: she's a cloth diapering grandma and we have plenty to talk about on the subject, but the "feel" of the whole experience is not as friendly as the NICU. I don't feel like we have much continuity of care, and I have no therapeutic relationship with any of the practitioners. And you know, now is when I need it most. Now it's time for the questions of vaccinations, bottle feedings, and other decisions for which I need thorough and impartial information from someone I can trust and who knows Finn, as well as someone who will respect my parenting decisions.

About the vaccinations, I said that I needed to do some reading. About the bottles, I said that I wanted to work on the breast feeding and talk to someone from lactation. I sometimes get the feeling that Lacation and The Nurses should have a cage match because from what I overhear, I don't think their viewpoints match up. The nurses are too clinical, and the lactation consultants are too touchy-feely and too adamant about "breast only."

I've been disliking the pacifier since day one, but the nurses kept saying it was good. Now, I find that he does not know what to do with my bare nipples. When she brought me the nipple shield, I felt like I had to try it. He latched right on. Of course. He's used to the feel of the pacifier.

"There's no such thing as nipple confusion," the nurse said, "Babies don't get confused."

I think we could have a semantic argument here, and I think it should happen just before the cage match to really get both sides riled up.

(and now, I need to go to bed. Because it's really 12:29 on Tuesday morning, and I am trying to catch up on this blog by backdating.)

(nipple)