pete went back to work yesterday. it's a little depressing, and it means that i have no time for anything but baby. i am typing with one hand while swaddlebum sleeps on my chest, held by my left arm, and the main menu for "some like it hot" cycles over and over again in the dvd player. he only wants to be held, and i can't blame him. he missed out on a full third trimester of being held and not having to do any work. a lot has been expected of him.
hang on. this music is going to make me nuts...
anyway, a lot has been expected of him, and he's only been home for two weeks. still, it's very frustrating that i am only going to be sleeping in dribs and drabs. it's very frustrating that the majority of the mothering falls on me because i am the mother, and i have the rack. it's very frustrating that he does not want to sleep in either of his beds.
but he did not ask for any of this; we did, and he's a lovely baby. this is just a drop in the bucket of what we asked for. he will only be this size for a short amount of time. before we know it, he will be an infant, and then a toddler, and we will have to look at pictures to remember these first weeks at home. we need to lap up every moment, even the ones filled with the red screams, because we're lucky to be here. three months ago, on the way to the hospital, i never would have dreamed we could be here.
there's my moment of zen. the one i will have to draw upon when he is wailing or when i just want to eat my sandwich all at one time.
and to think. i never even wanted a dog because i thought they were too needy.
3 comments:
i know the feel'n kitten!!
i get the same way...when i'm try'n to eat my sammich...return a text to someone that i hate...flip thru the latest issue of marie claire for emothional support and to find the latest trend to ignore completely...pluck those 4 annoy'n hairs between my eyebrows...and to get the loop of nana mouskuri's
"like a bridge over troubled waters" outta my head...
all while drive'n in a stop 'n' go rush hour traffic to a job that i loathe!!
next thing ya know...i'm 30...
AGAIN!!
where does the time go?
(well ok...so maybe NOT exactly like birth'n a small breath'n entity...that cries)
but hopefully gave ya some new laugh lines :)
Mattress~
You probably won't remember this in four years either; you're too sleep-deprived to properly form memories.
I still wonder what the hell I did on my maternity leave. I think I spent a lot of it wandering around holding a baby, very surprised that this thing had actually happened, this baby. :)
Really, the only clear memory I have is sitting on the couch with the baby in my arms and staring out the back door, amazed that it was sunny outside, and life seemed to be happening around me...
Dear Ms. Karen - You forgot to mention that after the toddler stage, there is the pre-teen stage, then the teen stage during which that charming little thing with the red scream will probably be a drummer in a rock n' roll band and be screaming - hopefully on key! Suppress your frustration with the situation you have now! Do so by putting the baby down, ever so gently, then walking out your back door and screaming at your garage! Use language like, "SHUT UP"! and then maybe "SHUT UP YOU MOTHA FU@#$%&@"!!2!!!" Then throw a rock at the garage door, if one is handy, or one of Pete's sneakers (except not the PF Flyer ones which are really cool). Note the kind of weather, then go back inside and retrieve said child, who is your flesh and blood and deserving of a well vented mother. Remember that all the 327,461 residents of the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts who prayed and rooted for Finn's survival and now rooting and praying for your physical and emotional well-being!
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