Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Green With It

Do you ever feel like someone else's life is just better than yours?

It's unfortunate that the subject of my envy lives with me. It would be easy if I could say it was my cats or even my son, but it's not, and that leaves just one person.

Before the baby, I'd say we were about equal. I had friends, he had friends, we had friends. I went out, he played gigs, I usually came along, sometimes with the friends that I had. I could read, write, knit, sew, or draw at my leisure. I still did more of the housework and almost all of the cooking, but there was more time. Oodles of luxurious, lavendar-scented, foamy bubbles of time. We were busy. I, especially, am a busy person--can't sit still to save my life.*

Now, daddywhumpus still rehearses and plays gigs, but it costs $100 to pay a babysitter to join him, plus it sucks extra hard if neither of us gets any sleep. I have one girls' night a week when a friend comes over for a couple of hours and we watch America's Next Top Model, but I still have to help with the baby.

I'm still doing most of the housework and almost all of the cooking.

daddywhumpus tells me to make time, to just do it. But if I do, the housework is still there. daddywhumpus says we should get a studio; I say we can't afford it, and the last thing I need is money worries. It seems like there isn't time for both of us to have a life outside of work and family and get everything done. And when are we a couple? When are we a family?

It's not new and we whumpuses are not unique. I have other friends who are band widows, and we have the same problems. I knew about the music, it's not like he surprised me with it. I don't resent the music. I resent the loss of me, and I don't know how to get it back, how to make time for it. If I am not the one doing the housework, I feel like I am slacking. If I am the one doing the housework, I feel like I am doing all the housework, and I get frustrated. When I am home with the boy, I also do chores. If I am out doing something with friends or for myself, and there are chores left behind, I feel like I am slacking, and I can't relax.

daddywhumpus says that I should just make plans; the chores will still be there.

Yeah, that's the problem.**

*Clearly, if my life truly counted on sitting still, I could make a shift to do so.

**Last weekend was work and chore-filled, and so was the weekend before that. Can't tell by my sunny disposition and positive attitude, can you?


mostcurious said...

This. Endlessly this. My guy is not in a band and still, we have this argument.

It's especially apropos as I have just returned from a mere 18 hours away with my bf and I see things undone and he doesn't see them.

And I don't like to sit still either.

Brenda said...

Totally, totally, totally. Every word. Yep.

I have no answers, but must admit that I feel slightly mollifed by reading that you (and others) experience the same misery. And I don't use the word misery lightly.

Pete McCauley said...

One of our cats play in a band?!? WOW! I never knew!

Are they any good?