Time Minion

It's winter 2009 and I am typing on my iPod touch while watching sitcom reruns on DVD and my infant sleeps on me.

Oh wait. It's winter 2013 and I am typing on my iPhone while streaming sitcom reruns on Netflix and my preschooler sleeps on me.

Four years later, and here I am. Pinned to the couch.

I am going to start a club called Underachievers Anonymous.*

*Fortunately, I am an underachiever, so I don't have to worry about capitalizing on this idea.

Go Poop

The following is a transcript of an actual event.

I have to go poop!

Privacy please.

You’d better get to the couch fast.

Mama, why don’t you shave?

Mama, what is that you’re putting on your hands?

Hey Mama, day care got an R2D2 toy. Jandro’s got an R2D2 costume.

Mama, Jandro also got a little R2D2 things for Halloween.

sings "Take me out to the ballgame."

whisper sings "I sing a song while I poop."

sings "Take me out to the ballgame."

squeak sings "Take me out to the ballgame."

Hey mama, mama! sings in silly voice ranging from low to high in tune of "Take me out to the ball game"  Take me out to the ballgame, if you give me some jelly I’ll throw down on somebody’s face on the stinky team of football stinky football team not my favorite buy me some peanuts and cracker jack one two three four five one two three four five six, six seven eight nine ten eleven I say (unintelligible)

sings “Deep in the hundred acre wood,” intentionally mixing up the words.

transfers into "Take me out to the ballgame"

Done, mama!

Mama, I’m done!

In Which I Set Impossibly High Standards for Myself Thereby Insuring the Necessity for Repeating this Process Same Time, Next Year

New Year's Resolutions blow. So I'm keeping it simple. And a month late.

1. Complete 2012. I'm not kidding. This includes books, essays, knitting, art, house projects, and any other random thing I started in the year previous to 2013. As this will consume the better part of a year, this is my only resolution aside from #2.

2. Buy new socks and underwear and throw the old ones away*. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

*with a few exceptions. Ladies, you know what I am talking about.