It doesn't help that everyone seems to be pregnant or have a new baby. It's just before 7:00 a.m. on a Sunday, and the neighborhood is quiet, but from the kitchen, I can hear the cries of an infant--the newborn living next door. People keep telling us to get sleep now, to take care of things now, because when he comes home... like that is going to be the real inconvenience to the style of our lives, when this is actually harder.
After 5 weeks of at least two hospital visits a day, work, and daily responsibilities, we are tired. And sometimes we feel bad because sometimes, getting it together to make the trek over to the hospital feels like a chore. There lies our little son. We want to see him, and we always make the trip and spend the time: we need to. We need to be near him, even if we only watch him for a few minutes at a time while he's sleeping. But sometimes, there's the heavy sigh here at home, whether kept to ourselves or made audible: we're tired. It's too much. And we are only half way through this part of it.
It's not that we need a maid, or we need someone to take over socializing with our baby. There's really no good solution. We are the ones who need to socialize with our baby, not just for his sake and for his emotional development, but for our own. Beyond that, we have established that I am too much of a control freak to let other people scrub out my refrigerator with a toothbrush.
It's just the way that it is, and sometimes, we will complain. Sometimes, we will feel guilty for not wanting to go to the hospital. But we will go, and we will always feel better having gone, and that's the thing to remember. As he grows (1495 yesterday, or 3.296 pounds, and 15.75 inches), and gets better at the breathing (he's back up to 4 liters on his high flow--too many spells), we will adjust our visiting. Hopefully, his growth will correspond with beginning to experiment with breast feeding, and that's certainly my job, and one to which I am looking forward. We'll be there as he needs us, and we'll help each other through the exasperating times when we feel like we can't do it all. And when it gets really overwhelming, my mom weeds the driveway, and my dad cuts down rampant raspberry canes.
We could use some help in the basement and garage, too.
2 comments:
Being a new parent is difficult (that's why everyone is all "sleep NOW!") no matter what else is happening around the situation because it's such an incredible shift in your learning curve, your habits, your priorities. Leaving aside all the things that are actually tiring, it's exhausting to make that many changes at once.
Hopefully there are people nearby will make themselves available to be flesh robots (hint hint to anyone local!) to help out with the basement and garage. Or the weeding and raspberries. Or wherever you feel comfortable directing them to labour!
***
Even still now, when they complain and I'm tired, I have a moment's hesitation where I collect my energy, take a deep breath and plunge in. The reward is always there, but sometimes the resistance is high.
Steeling myself has become a habit when dealing with situations where the news is not uniformly positive.
I really do hope that someone local can come help you let off a little pressure around the house, somewhere it's easier to accept help. :)
Darn it! I feel guilty we didn't get more done while I was there. But Pete got some needed naps and you caught up on reading the National Geographic with your feet up--this is good! It will be easier when the little man is home--you can have him in a sling, and tell Pete and the boys what to do while you and Finn relax (Matt and anyone else who will help). It will get done, don't fret! Gammasue
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