Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wits, meet End.
I always love my baby, but some days, such as today, I don't like him very much. He's mad if I sit, mad if I stand in one place. He's barfing. He's fussy. He's only interested in any one thing for three to five minutes, and then he's mad again. He screams for no good reason. He's trying my every last nerve. It's days like this (and yesterday) that make me think back wistfully to the days when it was just Pete and I. Granted, those thoughts are only a quick flash before I remember all the good things, but being tired and frustrated will make you think all sorts of stuff that you don't really mean.
It could be easy to feel guilty about being mad at a being who does not yet have the cognitive ability to regulate his emotions or process his surroundings, so instead, I try to remember that he is, indeed a being who does not yet have the cognitive ability to regulate his emotions or process his surroundings. And when I am feeling like I may lose my mind, what helps me is reading. I have called it Self Defense Reading before, and I guess I can continue to call it that, but it's also simply Reassurance Reading. I spend some time doing research on infant development, I read about what is "normal," I find examples from other parents and remember that I am not alone, I remember that this will not last forever, and I realize that when the time comes that he no longer depends on me so much, I will wind up missing this baby phase. Tonight, it helped me to relax, which, in turn, seemed to help Finn to relax, as he fell asleep on my shoulder and stayed asleep for awhile.
Finn is fine. He's quite good, in fact. He's probably going through a four-month old type of growth & development spurt, which can make babies, well, a bit intolerable. Because of his external third trimester, I can't necessarily assign developmental stages to him either on his adjusted or chronological age, but just observe his behavior and look for similarities in the literature. I am not parenting by a book, by any means, but sometimes I just need to remind myself that he's ok, and so am I.
Posted by kittywhumpus at 9:32 PM