Friday, July 24, 2009

Time Travel

Pete's Facebook status:

"I dearly love our baby boy - but sometimes I wish it was still the summer of '04...

And though I was thinking something very similar at 4:00 in the morning yesterday, it still makes me irretrievably sad to see Pete feeling this way.

Babies change everything. It is the height of idiocy to have a baby to save your relationship. Baby comes in, and the relationship as you knew it is over. It's stressful, exhausting, and emotional. Pete has been in a wasteland of tired, resentful wife for a long time now, and when I say "wasteland," I mean it. Get ready for an Overshare, but it's been since Christmas since we had any grown up fun, and the real kicker is that I really don't care, aside from how Pete feels. I do feel bad that he's not getting any, but I have absolutely no place in my life or body for such activity right now. I have enough physical demands being put on me by our little man to have to worry about the physical demands of his father.

Not that Pete is being demanding. He's not, but it's there; it's lingering under the surface of our interactions. I can barely stand to be hugged for too long, if at all, or be touched by anyone, let alone work up the enthusiasm for physical intimacy. Even cuddling feels like work, not a relaxing time to reconnect with my partner.

Basically, everything feels like work.

Pete and I are still partners; we're partners in keeping the house and family from falling apart. Any extra stress monkeys that come along, like other people's problems, insensitivity, egos, and issues are infuriating. I simply don't have time for someone else's obtuseness.

Pete choosing the Summer of 2004 is telling. That was our first summer together, when it was fun, new, and exciting. We were also five years younger, and it was easier to party and function the next day. I had a housefull of friends on many weekends, and we went out the rest of the time.

I should be happy that Pete did not chose a time before he met me.

Wait... the summer of 2004 was our first summer, wasn't it?

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